AL East Preview

AL East Preview
First of all, I would like to introduce my partner in crime for this post, Luke. He’s going to be contributing on baseball stuff with me, as well as anything else we deem funny enough to publish. The format of the previews is as follows. We will each pick a different team that we think will win the division and list their strengths and weaknesses. Then we will pick who we think is going to be the MVP of the division. After that we will argue until we are no longer humorous.

I’ll go ahead and let Luke bat lead off.

Tampa Bay Rays
The defending AL Champs should be even better this year, but then again so should everyone else in the division. Tampa’s key to maintaining their divisional edge will be the continued development of their young staff. David Price is the best left handed pitching prospect since –well ever. As a starter this year he’ll be able be able show off an assortment of tools matched only by a young Jenna Jameson (pre-cock free on film). The rest of the staff should continue to get better. Kazmir should soon be considered a perennial Cy young candidate-Victor Zambrano should not (way to go Steve Phillips)!

Evan Longoria is an absolutely filthy stud. In my humble opinion the only thing Mike Schmidt had over him was his glorious female tickling porn-stache. Don’t be surprised to see him win his first MVP this year. Yes, I have a huge man crush. Pat Burrel has the greatest follow thru in baseball-which Rays fans will get used to seeing after one of his 150 strikeouts. I don’t think this is as big a pickup as many think. The key to solidifying their lineup will be the development of RF Matt Joyce. A young bat with huge upside that should produce 20hr/80RBI. BJ Upton is good and has a Mohawk that makes him even better.

Joe Maddon has a Mohawk too, but he is old and not as good a manager as Upton and his Mohawk are as a player. Seriously, I could manage their pitching staff. We’ll see how he does this year trying to juggle their inept bullpen. The names Isringhausen and Percival don’t exactly exude confidence or talent anymore. Howell and Wheeler each throw about as hard as Freddy Prinze Jr. What I am trying to say I guess is that their bullpen sucks and could ruin their season. By the way as I am writing this paragraph I just used the phrase “Stedman is a horse” So, yes my focus is strong right now.

In conclusion there’s no way the Rays should not continue to thrive and win another AL East crown. The team formerly known as the “sweaty nut-sack of the AL East” has now handed that moniker off to the Orioles and given hope to cellar dwellers everywhere.

My Turn
Well done Luke, I am big fan of the Jenna Jameson reference, but Matt Joyce and huge upside probably don’t deserve to be said in the same sentence. Yeah it’s possible he hits 20 hr and 80 RBI’s, but seriously RBI’s are probably the overrated useless stat in the history of statistics, really it’s right up there with errors, not good Luke. While I think the Rays have a great shot I’m going to go with the New York Yankees. The Yankees spent as much as the federal government did in the stimulus package this offseason and they should actually see legitimate results this time around. While I am not as high on the AJ Burnett pickup as some, I do believe he will provide a very solid contribution to the staff. Not much needs to be said about Sabathia and Teixeira, they are huge upgrades and perennial all-stars. Word has it Sabathia is in much better shape, I doubt that, he is a fat lard, but he is still frickin’ nasty. The starting pitching is obviously the strength of the team with the top three pitchers in the rotation are Sabathia, Wang, and Burnett. The former two have both won Cy Young awards in the past and Burnett definitely has the stuff, but a questionable makeup and injury history. The fourth and fifth starters could be Andy Pettite, who is passed his prime, but certainly a serviceable 4/5 starter, and either young Phil Hughes or Joba. I think they will use Joba in the set up role and Hughes in the 5 spot, which will add strength to a weak bullpen.

The middle of their lineup is a strength as well. They have Tex and Juice-Rod batting 3 and 4, two of the best hitters in the game. Jeter will get on base in front of them and they have Posada back who is a huge upgrade over the anemic combo of Molina and Pudge. Swisher had a bad year last year, but he will definitely be closer to his 2007 stats barring injury. Nady is an average corner outfielder, but he does bring some power to the table. Also, look for Cano to be better than last year; he played way below his abilities, kind of like Greg Norman in the final round of a major.

The 2009 version of the Yankees is not without weakness. Their infield and outfield defense will be bad. When your first baseman is your best infield defender then there is a problem. And don’t get me started on Derek “gold glove” Jeter’s ineptitude at shortstop. He has less range than Shaq does on his jump shot. Seriously, I think it’s more likely that Shaq makes a three than Jeter actually makes a play to his left. A-Rod is average at third, at best, and if he keeps that orange tan then look for him to be even worse. This defense will be very discouraging to the talented pitching staff, but the offense should score enough to make up for it and win the division.

Luke’s MVP: First of all in case all of you haven’t picked up on this fact. Corey is a huge Cardinals fan and completely incapable of being unbiased. Anyhow, without further ado your AL East MVP….Matt Joyce. Just kidding, how could I go with anyone else besides Evan Longoria. Seriously, he has the talent, the body, the contract, and yes I love him.

Corey’s (AKA Thackzilla) MVP: Yes I am biased, but I still think the Yankee’s pitching and offense will be strong enough to cover up their defensive inadequacies. But I have to agree with Longoria for MVP. He won’t put up A-Rod numbers offensively, but he’ll be close and he plays the best defensive third base in the AL. He’s a close second in the entire league behind Zimmerman defensively.

Alright we were going to argue our choices, but Luke had to mention Jenna Jameson, so that gave me a new idea. Let’s pick our favorite porn stars. Mine has to be Miko Lee, I have a thing for well-endowed Asians, and she is certainly that.

How about you Luke? What was that chicks name from family matters? Corey: I don’t know be she can choke one down, phenomenal throat.

Alright this is getting way too x-rated and I’m starting to get excited. We’re out. Enjoy and leave comments.